Monthly Archives: January 2015

Jealousy and Unconsiously Cursing

Posted by Sephira in Reader Question, Witchcraft and tagged with , , , , , , , ,

I have a long time best friend I love like a sister. We met in High School and I quickly learned that her life had been extremely difficult. Her family was cruel, unsupportive & financially unstable. She took medication that caused a lot of weight gain which crushed her self-esteem. While she is otherwise fiercely loyal, supportive, and caring, she is very bitter about how different our lives were. My family life as a high school student was the complete opposite of hers. She didn’t know I had an eating disorder and resented me most for being thin.

She would act very petty, bitter, and jealous towards me on a daily basis.

I stopped tolerating it when she began copying my appearance, speech, and eventually my artwork. When I confronted her she refused to back down. We didn’t speak for a REALLY long time. When we did finally become friends again she had long since quit her medications and lost the weight. She seemed really happy, like she grew into herself. I assumed she wouldn’t feel the need to act the way she used to and wrote it off as being part of the past.

after that I moved to a different country and when I came home to the US she visited me. I had gained weight as a result of fracturing my tailbone which was healing very slowly and the muscle pain that came with it. I decided to tell her about the eating disorder and asked her not to talk about things that related to that subject. Instead she made sure to bring it up in not so subtle ways as much as possible. I know she did it because she is insecure and bitter, but it troubles me that she was so happy to see me unhappy with myself.

since then I still struggle with my weight constantly despite playing roller derby, becoming a clean eating vegan to help my body and mind, regularly going to the gym, and doing everything I can to stop my negative thoughts and correct them. I keep a record of my food/exercise habits and my doctor looked over it and said everything looked on point.

I am not suggesting she has made it impossible for me to lose weight! I just wonder if it is possible for someone to unintentionally ‘curse’ you by resenting you out of envy and bitterness, especially if that person has resented you for such a long time? and as a result hinder your own progress. because she is VERY bitter. . . and she seems to need me to be less successful in my endeavors to be happy with her own self, at this point in her life.

I decided not to be passive anymore and to give my two cents on any snide comments, but also that I will be understanding and patient because she is still struggling with her own insecurities.

What can I do to protect myself from jealousy?

It may seem harsh, but if this person’s behaviors are bothering you, to the point that you feel their jealousy and bitterness are potentially unconsciously cursing you – then you need to permanently sever your ties to them. That is the best way to protect yourself from this sort of deep-seated hatred. And make no mistake, it is hate. No one who is a true friend, would harbor these sorts of feelings, or act in this manner – particularly over such a long period of time. To put it bluntly, a “friend” who gets their kicks from seeing their friends fail, isn’t a friend.

Within healthy relationships, we may all have occasional moments when we are jealous, or feel a bit of bitterness here and there, particularly when we may be struggling and they seem to get all the good stuff, but it is typically fleeting. A momentary dark cloud that moves across the sky and is then gone, to be replaced by happiness and genuine supportive feelings that our friend is awesome and deserves all the good things. Because hey… if we’re not making it, then someone better be!!! Lingering negative feelings speak to a relationship that is not a healthy one, and unless the underlying issues can be resolved, it’s often better to part ways, rather than allowing such negativity to continue festering.

As to unconsciously cursing or even casting spells in general – I think that any time we put a lot of energy into something, especially energy that is emotionally charged, we have the potential to affect things. At it’s most basic, magic is simply manifesting a desired change through force of will, and as such, when one is intensely focusing specific negative thoughts (particularly over a long period of time), the odds are pretty good that there will be some sort of manifestation related to those thoughts.

Having said that however, I don’t necessarily think that your friend has caused you to have difficulties losing weight. While it’s sometimes easier to look for magical reasons behind something, the answer is generally much simpler. In this case, it’s likely just a matter of genetics or basic human biology. Once we reach a certain age our metabolism slows down, and it becomes much harder to lose any extra weight that we might put on. Couple that with an injury that makes exercising hit or miss and it’s the perfect recipe for weight that doesn’t want to budge.

Though it may be difficult, especially with someone that you consider almost like family, in the end, there often comes a time when we have to chose our own well-being over our “friends.” If we are to lead happy and healthy lives, we have to be mindful of our own mental, emotional and physical needs, and sometimes that means cutting the negative people from our lives. Even even more so, those whose sole purpose in life seems to be sabotaging the happiness of those around them.

 

What Beliefs or Practices Link All Pagans Together?

Posted by Sephira in Paganism, Reader Question and tagged with , , , ,

  • what is the pagans/wicca community belief system?
    and i am a beginner so i do not know much
    thank you
  • Pagan seams to be a very vague term for non main stream religion, but what is it that links these particular religions that are labeled pagan together?

In fact there really isn’t much of anything that links ALL Pagan religions and paths together. At it’s most basic, the term Pagan is an umbrella term that encompasses all “non-Abrahamic” religions, and that’s it. Some paths may share some similarities, but there is nothing else that ALL share as a defining practice or belief. Even when used as a short-hand for the NeoPagan paths that are loosely based on the non-oathbound parts of Wicca, the joke is – ask a hundred people, get a hundred answers. In terms of a label, it works well enough for those who don’t know and don’t care to know the actual differences, but within the community itself, it can be a poor description of what one does. When possible, it is better to look to words which are more specific to one’s own path, as these terms are better at conveying the actual idea of one’s practices and beliefs.

For example: If we are all standing around at a local meet up and everyone introduces themselves, and tacks on at the end “I’m Pagan” – no one has really learned anything about anyone else’s path. But if that same group tacks on “I’m Heathen,” “I’m Celtic Recon,” “I’m Kemetic,” etc… (or other appropriate term), then we have a better idea of what it is that each of them do.

This of course assumes that one has a general idea of what some of the specific Pagan religions entail, but even if one doesn’t, it’s a great way to start discussion and dialogues, which can be used to learn more about those other paths.

As we have gotten a couple different questions on the subject recently, thought it would be a good time to remind everyone that the Paganism FAQ link at the top of the page is there to answer some of this directly and to give a bit of background on some of the more common Pagan traditions.

Of course, if there are specific questions, that are not covered in the FAQ, please feel free to ask! 🙂

Mentoring and Circle Casting for a New Witch

Posted by Sephira in Paganism, Reader Question, Resources, Witchcraft and tagged with , , , , , , , , ,

Hi! so recently I’ve gotten into witchcraft and was interested in starting as an eclectic witch, the problem is, I need a teacher (I’m scared I wont cast a circle right and I would like a teacher to teach me correctly so I don’t screw up). help?

You can always ask questions when you have them, here or via our tumblr page, but unfortunately, we don’t do direct mentoring/teaching. You can also check WitchVox or Pagan Meetup, for groups or individuals in your area who are open to teaching others. In both cases, make sure you ask prospective teachers about their expertise and background to verify that that they are in-fact knowledgeable (as much as you can anyways). It may also be difficult to find anyone, depending on how old you are, as many people will not work directly with those who are under 18, for legal reasons.

In general terms of the “how to” of doing rituals, I would highly recommend The Elements of Ritual by Deborah Lipp. It’s probably going to cover everything you could ever want to know, including “why” some things are done the way they are, which will be helpful in understanding that (among other things), short of not fully closing/opening a circle, there’s not a whole lot you can screw up with casting a circle. Additionally, there are innumerable ways to cast one, so generally, however works best for you is fine. But I can understand too that it’s nice to have someone to talk it all over with as well, which is hard to do when one is solitary.

It’s probably important to note too, that not everyone even uses circles, so it also depends on your own style of witchcraft. I do think, that regardless of circle use, it’s always good to learn proper grounding and shielding techniques, depending on what sort of workings one will be doing. But a full-on circle may not be necessary for many things, again, unless it’s something that works for your practice.

Also worth mentioning, is in being solitary and eclectic, the benefit to that is you can do, more or less, whatever you want to (within reason). The caveat of course, is if you are taking practices or beliefs from other cultures, make sure it is done so with respect and a deep understanding of the religion/culture that one is pulling from. So if you are doing your own thing, you may not have as much to worry about, in terms of screwing things up.

The other part, is that we all make mistakes, it’s an inevitable part of life. The good thing is that we can learn from those mistakes. So when they happen, don’t get too upset over them, simply take them for the learning opportunity they are, and resolve to do better next time. It may also help to keep a notebook when you are just starting (separate from any BOS or grimoire that you might be keeping), with detailed notes on – hey… this went well, or ewww, no… not doing that again. That way you can refer back and know what parts does and doesn’t work for you, hopefully, making the learning process a bit easier.

For additional resources to check out on your new journey, I would suggest reading the following – Solitary Witch – Where Do I Start? And again, if you have any other questions, feel free to ask. 🙂