I have a difficult situation. My ex who is Wiccan was showing me various types of rituals and spells throughout our relationship. One of which was a “soul binding” spell which was intermixed with a handfasting. He explained it in brief to me and I was open to learning more about his religion, but after our relationship ended on what he would consider a rocky note, odd things have been occuring. Now I was raised Catholic and identify Christian but also have a strong base in spirituality, so I am not sure if I am just paranoid about the odd things happening or if it is real. From what I understand, what he performed is not “breakable” and tied his and my soul together possibly for eternity. Anyways, on to the weird things. I thought that I was completely over him, but of recent I have been thinking about him frequently as well has having dreams about him and a strong desire to be with him (even though he supposedly moved across the country from me and has since disconnected his phone so there is no way that I or even his family (from what I know) can get a hold of him). I talked to him just before he left nearly two months ago, he was wishy washy about wanting to stop by and say goodbye, which he didn’t do and left the last conversation saying “I have too much to do” and hung up. He did say that he can never be around me again because he “doesn’t trust himself” around me (as to not wanting more physically or emotionally) and had said that he was going to come back in a few years after he got done with this education program he apparently enrolled in and wanted me and my children to uproot and move with him where ever he was (NOT going to happen). I’ve known him since we were young kids and am close to his family, so this is especially hard to have him completely shut me out of his life, but up until recently I was just fine with it and had moved on.
A friend of mine who is Wiccian confirmed everything he had told me in reguards to this soul binding, but explained further that you cannot undo it and that you will forever be tied to that person, feel what they feel, have a part of them tied into you forever. This frightens me because as I later found out he has some serious problems mentally/emotionally. I just want this to go away. Is there anything I can do?
Something to keep in mind – if the two of you have known each other for most of your lives, and were close for a good bit of that time, as friends and then later romantically, it is very natural (and normal) for you to think about him – even if it seems random or out of the blue. When we have known someone for such a long period of time, odds are you will continue to “love” them in a way, even if you are no longer “in love with them” , or even want to have any type of relationship with them. The fact is that they have been there through a large part of your life, and that doesn’t just go away just because you split up and one party has since moved far away, or lost contact. You will likely continue to think about him off and on for many years to come – regardless of any ritual that was performed.
As to said ritual… I’ll be honest, the person who came up with the idea of a “soul binding” ritual should be beat with a stick (at the very least). It sounds perfectly romantic when you are reveling in the joys of new lover bliss – the idea of being with the one you love for all eternity. But the actual fact of the matter, is that keeping any sort of committed relationship (marriage or otherwise) together for the long-term, even within one lifetime, is difficult at best and takes a lot of hard work. So the idea of binding oneself on an energetic level to someone else through multiple lifetimes, when the odds aren’t even in favor of you sticking it out in this one, is folly. Inevitably the bliss wears off, and you are stuck (in a manner of speaking) with this person that – even when you part from them for perfectly good reasons, in theory you are now potentially going to be miserable for the rest of this life, and into the next when you aren’t with them. So even if you meet someone else who is perfectly wonderful and compatible with you, because of this ritual you may always find yourself feeling as if a part of you is missing – when in reality (if you hadn’t done the ritual), you might have been truly happy. It’s worth noting too, that for him to do this sort of ritual with you, without properly explaining the consequences of doing such a thing, is pretty reprehensible.
I’m not even sure I’d consider a “soul binding” on my deathbed, even if I’d been deliriously happily married to the same person for 50+ years. While the idea is nice, it seems that if someone was truly meant to be my soulmate, then we would already be bound – so there is no need to manually force the issue. Even if we aren’t together in every lifetime, odds are we will meet up again and again throughout our incarnations. Besides the alternative is much worse – being stuck with someone who you have later determined is not “the one”. Potentially as well, just because we are happy in this life, doesn’t mean that there aren’t other happy opportunities to come in future ones with other people, and doing such a ritual, would change those coming experiences.
Having said all that, your best bet would be a parting ritual of sorts. It may not completely sever the ties, especially since you have no way for him to participate with you, but it should help to minimize some of the effects of the original ritual.
The following is a really simple and to the point “Parting Ways” ritual that you can do. Ideally you would want him to do the ritual with you, but as that’s not possible, if you have an item that represents him that should be fine. Also if you have a picture of the two of you together (that you don’t mind cutting up), that would be good as well – or any other symbol of the two of you together (that can be cut in half).
- Normally you would do an “ending” spell with the waning moon, however as this one is focused more on starting fresh, you could do it with either. Other than that it’s fairly simple – just say it like you mean it.
our paths diverged
new lives to start
what once was merged
here now must part
with blessings bright
we’ll start anew
the time is right
we know it’s true
- While chanting the words, focus on the image or item that symbolizes the two of you being bound together – visualize each of you going your separate ways, and then physically cut the image/item in half – literally cutting the ties that bind you together. Chanting is a good way to raise energy, so if you want to you, can say the chant several times as you cut (helps to reinforce and gives added focus). Three times is always been a sort of magical number, or you can correspond it to the number of years the two of you were together (since you did the original ritual), whatever feels right. Once you are finished you can either bury the leftover pieces of the picture/item, or burn them – again whatever works best for you.
I also would suggest checking out this previous post on Dissolving a Handfasting, which while not quite the same situation, there are some correlations, and the information and example rituals there might be useful to you.
The Informed Pagan 
I am wondering if you actually did the ritual with him, or he just told you about it. You did not say you did, just that he “told” you about it, along with other rituals and spell work. If you did NOT do it with him, I agree that this Parting Ways ritual should work well for you. If he did the ritual (or actually, spell) without you and without your knowledge, then he broke the Wiccan Rede by casting without your permission.
You seem to think this is more of a “hex” he placed on you. I tell people all the time that you cannot be hexed unless you BELIEVE you have been hexed. It’s your belief in it that gives it power over you, like a “self-fulfilling prophesy”.
As the answer above states, it is normal for you to still have feelings for someone that has been significant in your life. I have been in 2 long-term relationships that were abusive, and yet I do find myself thinking about them occasionally, and wondering if things could have been different. That does NOT mean I want them back, but they were a part of my life, and I cannot totally erase that from my memory.
Do the spell stated in the initial answer, and move on, regardless of where your thoughts take you. Don’t let the “negative press” we Witches have been given for eons go to your head, and believe you have been bound to ANYONE. “Harm None” is our most important Law, and if he was a true Wiccan, he never would have done the spell without your knowledge and permission. If you did participate in it, the spell given to you should be most adequate in reversing it. Otherwise, don’t give it momentum by believing in it at all.
‘Harm None’ is not the Rede. The complete and proper phrase is ‘An’ It Harm None, Do As Ye Will’, which is essentially saying ‘if it harms no one, do it freely’. That’s not the same as ‘Harm None’. There are Wiccan traditions who believe and teach that it is important to know how to harm, when it is necessary.
Also, Rede means ‘advice’. It’s not a law – and in fact it isn’t even properly Wiccan, having first appeared in 1964 – a decade after Gardner founded Wicca proper. There are any number of covens whose establishment predate the Rede, and the Rede does not appear in the Ardanes, which are properly the laws of Wicca.
So you can take the Rede, or you can leave it – it isn’t a measuring stick of who is or isn’t Wiccan, let alone a ‘true’ Wiccan.
Just trying to ease the mind of someone that isn’t Wiccan and obviously frightened.. Semantics aside, what I said was to help, not confuse. She doesn’t seem to be inclined to study the Path, and I did my best to help ease her fear. Leave the semantics for another discussion among practitioners.
You can reassure people without perpetuating misinformation.
Reblogged this on A Garden of Delights and commented:
I deal with this concept in fiction, and it’s scary enough there… I would not wish to be caught in such a place in my daily life.
I’m going through a very similar situation and I am very concerned with the things that have been going on mentally and physically. Its been enlightening and also traumatizing. My husband and father of my children died May 4, 2013 unexpectedly but we were seperated and there were a lot of factors i won’t put online that were working against us. No matter what i feel like we have always been connected. he was amazing and what we had together was amazing. i learned so much from him. i was the one who did the soul binding. I’ve always considered myself a pagan or universal believer. I haven’t done hardly any spells and ritual but I’m into energy work and sending and recieving it, good or bad, intentional or just by your emotions unintentionally. We were handfastened in 2011 and i bound our souls in the vows i wrote for the ceremony. In my mind I felt like and still feel that we were truly connected. He felt it immediately, for years, before i even realized he had an interest in me period. I’ve known him most of my life. he taught me more. than any teacher could ever have. Not just hindsight, but about life in general, hell even with maintaining as an adult but a mother and wife. I need help figuring out what i call thr bigger picture, or connections I’ve been going through pretty intensely this last year but some that i started going through close to 10 yrs ago that have grown more intense and dr. does not grasp but also i haven’t told him anything I’ve felt since jd died for fear of being crazy. anyway if anyone could help me or listen to these without thinking I’m a total loon i would be always grateful.
I would start a journal, to keep track of the things that you are feeling/experiencing. When you can go back and read over it, patterns may emerge, and if nothing else, when a bit of time has passed, you may be able to get a better sense of that bigger picture when you can see more of it laid out in front of you.
I would caution you not to necessarily read too much into it all at this point though. With your husband’s death still so recent, and the fact that there were a lot of unresolved issues/emotions between the two of you – that is more than enough for the brain to sort of amplify things that may or may not be as major as they might seem right now.
By writing it all out, you can give yourself the time you need to get through the grieving process, and then once you have a bit of distance from it all, you can start sorting it out.
On a mundane level if you are seeing counselor, I would simply talk to him/her about your residual feelings, you don’t have to mention any of the magical stuff. But they should still be able to help you work through some of that, so that you can move on with your life.
I’m very sorry for your loss.