Questions On Finding My Path


…I would actually like to find or create a contemplative form of Paganism for myself and follow that with discipline, and am wondering if you could offer any advice on how to pull this off?  I’m starting to learn about the contemplative tradition in Christianity (such as centering prayer) since I’d like to apply it to Paganism, and am also curious to learn more about Fourth Way practices (Gurdjieff Work) soon.  I also have an interest in runology but haven’t learned much about it just yet. I’d want my path to involve meditation, devotional prayer, study of Pagan philosophy, service to others, and living virtuously. … I don’t know whether its reasonable to synthesize all of the above into a coherent belief…so, help me out, if you could!
Regarding my views, I am a monist and panentheist who believes the Divine is the source of creation and manifests in all of Nature, and can appear as many Deities, but is ultimately non-personal…
Also, I am surprised how much I feel drawn to simple devotion toward the God and Goddess of Wicca, its philosophy of cause & effect, and non-harming others however we choose to act.  Yet, I don’t care as much for elaborate rituals, magick, or esbats. Would it make sense for me to embrace some form of “eclectic”, individualized Wicca as my spirituality? It feels intuitive for me.  I know that you define “Wicca” as only Gerald Gardner’s original version, which isn’t so appealing to me, so I wonder where that leaves non-traditional forms of Wicca or witchcraft. I don’t see myself as a Witch at all, but rather as Nature Mystic and contemplative in training.  I’d like to design and follow some course of self-development that truly fits me. I like the Wiccan Rede but would add a second rule to “act with benevolence in any situation”, and I also try to follow Kant’s Categorial Imperative.
I should add that what drew me to Neo-paganism in general is its love of Earth and Universe and view of divine immanence; … I’m an American of South Asian descent (though not from a Hindu or Buddhist family).  I felt very inspired when I read about the worship of Pashupati (a Horned God) and a Mother Goddess in the ancient Indus Valley Civilization, as this reminds me of the God and Goddess in Wicca or European witchcraft traditions.

 

Generally speaking, as long as the cultures/religions you are looking to pull from aren’t closed ones then you are fine to create your own eclectic path from them. The key of course, is to make sure you are doing it in way that is respectful.

Even though a lot of books use the word Wicca to encompass a variety different non-traditional paths, really they are just Neo-Pagan or simply Pagan (or Witchcraft). I think once you start adding and subtracting things (particularly those that move it farther from what might be considered its more core components) then it ceases to be Wicca and shouldn’t be referred to as such. Besides, if you are creating something for yourself, it should have a name that resonates with you.

Additionally, if you feel that there are bits of both Paganism and Christianity that may apply to you, there are things like ChristoPaganism which may be of interest as well. In particular ChristoPaganism: An Inclusive Path by Joyce and River Higganbotham is a good one. Another book that encompasses multiple views is CUSP: A New Way to Walk An Old Path by Eric and Katrina Rasbold. In terms of going to church, it may also be worth checking out the Unitarian Universalists.

One thing I will say, though, if you are being called by particular deities, be careful of randomly inserting them into rituals and/or practices that are outside their own context. Not that it can’t be done, but sometimes it’s better to look within their respective cultures for rituals/practices that are a better fit, and then finding a way to incorporate that into your path if possible.

For example (at least in generalized terms), the Goddess that is honored within traditional Wiccan practice has three aspects: Maiden, Mother and Crone. Each representing a different part of the journey through the Wheel of the Year. If your Mother Goddess from the ancient Indus Valley Civilization doesn’t embody each of those aspects, plunking her down directly into a traditional Wheel of the Year model doesn’t necessarily work very well. The key here would be modifying your Wheel so that it fits the aspects of your Goddess, rather than trying to fit your Goddess into a Wheel she’s not meant for (if that makes sense). Same for your God. Keep in mind that just because he’s a God with horns, doesn’t necessarily make him The Horned God (in a Wiccan sense). Again, that doesn’t mean you can’t make it work, you just need to make sure that you make the right modifications when you design your path.

Secondary to that, if you are taking Gods/Goddesses from different cultures and trying to put them both together to fit in a Lord and Lady model, you need to be very careful and not just throw them together and hope for the best. Spend a lot of time communicating with your deities along the way, while creating your path, and specifically ask for signs (or other acknowledgement) that they are ok with the arrangement. Something to keep in mind too, unless one if a member of a tradition which has particular rules against it, you can always honor deities separately or even follow more than one path (in cases where certain practices are wildly incompatible with each other). So don’t feel like you have to make everything fit perfectly into one single cohesive practice, especially if it makes more sense for particular components to be separate.  

Also, really quick, you mentioned the Wiccan Rede, and it’s worth noting that the Rede has been grossly misrepresented over the years. Rather than being a blanket prohibition on causing harm, it’s more about thinking critically about (and taking responsibility for) one’s actions.

The good thing is that we have plenty of time to figure this stuff out. Our spirituality is a lifelong thing, and for many of us it does continue to change and evolve as the years go on. We find new Gods and practices, and sometimes we have to part ways with some of the older ones when that relationship has run its course. So don’t feel like you have to rush to find the perfect path. Spend as much time as you need immersing yourself in the practices and Gods that call to you, and finding the ones that suit — again (and I know I’m a broken record at this point, but it is so very important), with respect and assuming the cultures/religions are open ones, rather than closed. While this process can take quite a bit of time, I feel that it’s much more rewarding in the end. And though that end point is important, what we do along the way matters even more, so make it count.

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Crystal Pendulums


I have a question about the use of a crystal pendulum. I have recently started to the use a crystal pendulum, a friend gave me one and I was very intrigued by the accuracy of it’s answers of yes and no. Yesterday I decided to switch hands from holding the pendulum in my right hand to my left hand. When I hold the crystal with my right hand it swings in a clockwise circle for yes and counter clockwise circle for no. When I asked it to “show me yes” “show me no” using my left hand to suspend the pendulum, yes and no are reversed. Yes is counter clockwise no is clockwise. I asked my friend if she ever used her non dominant hand to suspend the pendulum from and she told me yes. I asked if it swings the same in both hands and she told me it does. I’m curious as to what the significance is then that every time I try it using one hand then the other, I have a mirror image effect on how the crystal shows it’s answers. is this common?

The thing about pendulums is that they work differently for everyone. If yours is different from your friend’s, it really doesn’t have any particular significance because we are all different in our own ways, as are our energies.

So while some people find that the movements stay the same each time (even if they switch hands) for others they don’t. And still others may find that the movements were exactly the same the first hundred (or more) times they used their pendulum, but then randomly one day those directions changed. This is one of the reasons why I feel that it’s important to calibrate which movement equals “yes” and which one is “no” before starting a session (even if it’s always been the same in the past). That way you know exactly what your baseline is.

Orbs and Glimmers: Possible Entity


I have recently been experiencing orbs and glimmers in my house. I am planning to save my house after waking up with scratches today. Do you have any advice on this?

What exactly do you mean by “save” your house? Or, more specifically, what do you think your house needs saving from? If you are concerned about possible entities, have you tried politely (but firmly) asking them to leave? Other than that, a simple cleansing will probably help.

But having said that—and I know I repeat this fairly often but I feel it’s very important advice that everyone should follow—never assume magical/supernatural reasons for something before ruling out the mundane possibilities.

Particularly when it comes to our vision, there are many medical conditions that can cause us to see things that might look like orbs, flashes of light and/or moving shadows (such as eye floaters for example). Not only eye-specific dysfunctions, but various types of migraines can also cause vision issues (even if you aren’t having the stereotypical pain that is often associated with them). Other possibilities are changes in your blood pressure and/or diabetes related symptoms. In any case, it’s a good idea to get a check-up (including a vision exam) if you haven’t done so recently, just to make sure there isn’t something else going on.

Once you’ve ruled out everything else, then you can look to possible supernatural causes, and consider more in-depth cleansing or banishing work if needed. Keep in mind too that waking up with scratches, especially if it’s only happened once or twice, doesn’t necessarily mean anything either. We do all sorts of weird stuff in our sleep (seriously, hubby once sprained his ankle while sleeping—don’t ask; we have no idea how) and this includes scratching ourselves without realizing it. Not saying that there couldn’t be other things going on, but it’s always good to examine these incidents critically first before jumping straight to the idea of entities being the cause.

Cleansing: Without Displacing Wanted Spirits


I have recently moved into a new house. We’ve just had family and friends in our home for our Harvest Festival. I would like to cleanse my home, but something happened the other day. (Bear in mind, I have a strong tendency toward skepticism.) I feel fairly certain that I encountered a spirit in my house a few days ago. Shortly after our guests had left, I happened to be walking past the foyer when I caught something out of the corner of my eye that appeared to be a young girl, teenage, probably. I got this strong sense of someone perfectly safe and benevolent, just looking for a place to belong. We had gone to great lengths to make our house feel welcoming and comfortable for our guests, and it had a very strong feeling of family love, so I guess it wouldn’t be surprising that a wayward spirit might find it an attractive place to settle. I want to cleanse the place, but I don’t want to drive this spirit out into the cold. How might I protect them? I felt her presence again last night, and although I felt a little crazy doing so, I just addressed the room in general, saying that I know they’re present, I can’t see them, but I can feel them, and that they’re welcome to stay here.

My suggestion would be to the cleansing in multiple parts so that you don’t inadvertently banish her as well. Start by designating one room of the house as a safe space (so to speak) for the spirit. Let her know that you are going to be cleansing the rest of the house, but that she is welcome to stay in that particular room during the ritual. Once you’ve cleansed the rest of the house, you can then let her know that she is welcome to move into the other areas, and let her know that you will be cleansing that room next so that she knows to avoid it temporarily. Then after that part is complete, you can let her know that she is welcome freely in all areas of the house.

Unfortunately though, there’s no guarantee that she won’t be affected, even if you take precautions. At best, just make it as clear as possible that she is welcome in your home, and that you aren’t doing this to send her away – only to clear out negative energies/entities. Additionally, you could add an intention statement to your cleansing ritual to the effect of “I banish the negative energies/spirits and welcome the positive.” (or similar) But I would also be careful that you don’t end up leaving an open invitation for other random spirits (unless you are ok with that). Otherwise your home could get a bit more crowded than you were expecting.

Reincarnation and Honoring Ancestors


I have a question about ancestors that’s been troubling me. I keep reading about how to honor/invoke/work with ancestors, but if Pagans believe in reincarnation, won’t our ancestors’ spirits already be somewhere else in their new life/lives and be unavailable to us? In essence, they won’t really be our ancestors anymore, they’ll be new so-and-so. All Pagans I know of believe in reincarnation, so where is this place that our ancestors are hiding, waiting for us to honor/invoke/work with them before they can move on to their next life? Do you see my conundrum? Thanks for any insight here.

First, it’s important to note that not all Pagans believe in reincarnation. The term “pagan” encompasses a very broad range of religions and spiritual paths and about the only thing all of them have in common is that they are non-Abrahamic (meaning not Christian, Islamic or Jewish). Also, there is a difference between working with ancestors and honoring them. Even if one believes in reincarnation, one can still honor one’s ancestors, without their spirits needing to be physically present.

However, in terms of invoking and working directly with our ancestors, that is not necessarily an issue even within religions that believe in reincarnation. There is nothing that says we die and are instantly reincarnated, and many Pagan religions have afterlife realms where our loved ones go to await their rebirth. Keep in mind too, that time and distance tend to function differently within sacred spaces, and not everything is always linear. So assuming one’s ancestor has already reincarnated, it’s still not impossible for us to connect with that energy during ritual. Even if, in some cases, we have to reach back through time to a point before they were reborn.

Another small personal thought on this (my own two cents for what it’s worth)… that energy never goes away and even though a person normally isn’t conscious of their previous life, that spirit is still a part of them (it’s why you can sometimes remember those memories via regression work). So it wouldn’t be out of the realm of possibility that we could be accessing our ancestor’s spirits more directly, even after rebirth (and without their new life being aware of it).

Who Can Worship The Norse Gods?


My partner wants to worship the Norse deities but runs into a lot of media that says that he only wants to appropriate them because he (as a white person) doesn’t have any connection to gods of his own. Do you believe you need to be descended from a certain group (in this case the Norse) in order to worship their deities?

Pre-Christian Norse culture/religion was never closed, and especially given how far and wide they traveled (and intermarried), it’s pretty ridiculous to even claim it. As far as I know, the only people who say such things are ultra-folkish and/or white supremacist groups who are seriously misrepresenting things to cater to their own exclusionary agendas.

I would point to this article published in the Iceland Magazine in May 2017, which focuses on Ásatrú (which is currently an official religion in Iceland), but would apply to the Norse Gods as well, and the following quote in particular:

Anyone can practice the religion but only Icelandic residents can join Ásatrúarfélagið

Only Icelandic citizens or people who have a domicile in Iceland can become members of the Ásatrúarfélag, but anyone can practice Ásatrú, regardless of their nationality or residence. It costs nothing to join and is open to all, irrespective of race, cultural background, gender or sexual orientation.

Ásatrúarfélag is the national pagan association in Iceland – which is why that particular group is only open to those who live in that county. But the religion itself and worship of the Gods is open to all. And I mean, if anyone would know, it’s them right?

Now, I do feel that it’s worth mentioning the following though. Whether or not other religions are able to be practiced by everyone depends on the culture/religion in question. Some are open to everyone – Norse and Hellenic practices for example, while others, such as Native American religions, are closed to those who are not members of the culture (or who have not been adopted into the culture). So it’s always better to ask, if one is unsure.

 

Writing Fictional Witchcraft


*trigger warning* – mentions of rape

 

Hello, I am attempting to write my first book about a family of witches who are primarily healers and practice white magic. There will be two evil characters who affect the family and need to be stopped. Out of respect for pagans, wiccans, and the like, I want to ensure my means of stopping the evil characters do not offend anyone in these communities. I have been researching quite a bit though I feel I’ve only scratched the tip of the iceberg. My question is, can the evil characters own dark energy be used to prevent them from doing harm, rather than using dark magic to call upon spirits? For instance, one character is a rapist, and I want him to develop a skin rash so severe his, um, organ is rendered useless. Couldn’t his own darkness be turned onto himself, with the assist of the witches and a potent potion, rather than calling on dark magic? My second evil character is cruel to animals, couldn’t the animal world be called upon to handle this character with a little push from the witches using a few strands of his hair ? My book is a work of fiction, but I still would like it to feel somewhat authentic. Thank you for your time and any feedback you may have.

 

While I appreciate that you are trying to be respectful of real life Pagans and Witches, and of course absolutely applaud doing research when writing things that one isn’t well-versed in, my advice here is to not worry about it too much. You are writing fiction and, particularly when it comes to the topic of witchcraft and paganism, the ways of doing something are so varied that no matter how hard you try, you’ll probably end up offending someone. I mean, I often read fictional witchy books and spent plenty of time mentally yelling at the author for their choices, but I recognize that it’s simply an “I don’t do it that way” thing, rather than the fact that there aren’t some that totally do. So, at least on that front, I wouldn’t stress too much about it. If anything, I would try really hard not to use a lot of buzzwords or make it too overly cutesy/magical (where they look to solve everything through magic). Within fiction (or even IRL) magic can be useful, but if there are mundane ways of doing things that make more sense, going out of the way to do something magically can be frustrating to readers. But again – it’s your book, so you need to write it how you see it. And honestly, that’s what editing is for, if something really doesn’t work, you can always change it later.   

As to your scenarios, they sound fine, really (at least in terms of the witchcraft aspect). I would suggesting reading the following two posts: Magical Energy and Cursing/Hexing and Do Spells Work? just for some extra food for thought. The only other suggestion that I have (as a writer myself), is that you research skin rashes to see if there is something relevant that would actually cause the symptoms you describe. Obviously a rashy organ isn’t going to look (or feel) appealing, but if it’s just a surface rash, then it may not have any sort of effect on the actual functioning. Additionally, someone who is going to coerce another person, might not care about a rash, unless it’s super painful (or in some other way debilitating). Even then, it’s important to keep in mind that rape isn’t about getting off, it’s about dominance and control, so even if they were impotent, there are still other ways they could commit the crime. So something that only affects their dangly bits may not be enough to stop them.

But anyway, as I mentioned, this is your book. Especially in the first draft, write it how you see it. Get everything down, as much as you can, without worrying too much about being super-detailed. You will edit this thing any number of times before you send it out for public consumption, and in those edits (especially if you can find some beta-readers who are knowledgeable that can offer detailed feedback) you can work on changing the things that don’t work or that you want to make more authentic.  

Happy writing!!

Orlando and Healing With Wicca


I have been interested in Wicca and witchcraft for as long as I can remember. You can thank Angela Lansbury for the initial interest, Bedknobs and Broomsticks is one of my favorite movies, but my interest has remained even though I know Wicca does not grant you the ability to turn someone into a rabbit.

I’m not sure why I haven’t studied in earnest. I’m 37, I’ve known about Wicca (as opposed to Hollywood witches like The Sanders Sisters) for two decades.

The reason for not starting sooner is not important though. The reason I’m reaching out to you is. Today I was deeply saddened when I learned that lives of 50 people were snuffed out by one man in one night. My first reaction was how could another mass shooting happen? Why is no one doing anything to prevent this? I argued with a couple of people on Twitter and then I saw other people saying “we should all come together for the victims.” At first I scoffed thinking, “OK right winger let’s not address the problem let’s just send our thoughts and prayers.” and I replied, “I don’t mean to sound ignorant, I honestly want to know, how do we come together for the victims?” And I thought and thought and realized that the problems with our country and the world are partisan based and it isn’t just the politicians, we the people are partisan politics incarnate. I thought hard about this and decided a softer approach was necessary. I discussed it with a likeminded friend who said something that sent me on this path, “At the core of all of this is in my opinion is the denial of love to others and ourselves.”

That made me realize that my request for self love isn’t only for myself. It’s for everyone. I believe that something happening across the world can impact me even if I don’t know about it so inversely I believe that me truly loving myself may spread self-love to others.

While I was thinking and typing I thought of Wicca because it was a wise witch who first really explained the “we are all one” idea to me and I thought, if I were a Wiccan would I be able to send healing to others? Would I be able to share tolerance with others? Could Wiccans heal our country? If so, let’s get together, I’ll buy a plane ticket. If not I will still begin my study of Wicca and learn to heal and love myself and wish for a better world.

Thank you so much for providing this service and for reading this novel.

Traditionally, Wicca is the priesthood of the Lord and Lady, so the things that one learns when joining a coven (both before and after initiation) are typically more focused on what is needed to properly serve them. Also, though all Wiccans are witches (one’s first degree initiation is as a priest/priestess and witch), not all witches are Wiccan. So, in and of itself, if one is simply looking to learn techniques for sending healing energy towards others, Wicca (specifically) is probably not what they are looking for. Using witchcraft, or even going non-magical routes and learning something like Reiki (which incorporates distance healing at level II), would be a better choice.  

In terms of witchcraft, gathering with others who are like minded and creating a large group magical working together can be effective, but individual spellwork can be helpful as well. It’s all a matter of how the spells are constructed and the focus/intent of those involved.

In this particular case, I do think sending healing energy is a good idea, but I also think that in the long term, given the variety of hot button issues that are part and parcel of this tragedy (LGTB issues, hate crimes, gun control, anti-Muslim sentiment, etc…) that we all should consider mundane (non-magical) ways to involve ourselves in making things better, in addition to any magical things that we do. Healing energy for the victims and their families is well appreciated, but taking action (even if it’s just getting yourself and others to write to their legislators) to help ensure that these things are less likely to happen in the future would be even better. Because if we don’t address the actual problem, then things are only going to get worse. 

A few resources that may be helpful…

  • Witchcraft: not sure where you are located, but you may want to see if there is a Reclaiming group near you. Given the things that you are looking to do, they would probably be a good choice. If solitary witchcraft is more your thing, there are a number of books listed here that may be helpful as well.
  • Contacting Members of Congress: you can find your Senators here and Congress reps here.

And finally, we previously wrote a bit on Social Justice and Witchcraft, which may be good to read over before taking any sort of magical action. Also, if we are looking to share love and tolerance with others, the best way to do that is by being loving and tolerant ourselves. Though we want to help those who are currently suffering and in need (and we should), if we each spend some time also working in our own communities, think about how much more we can accomplish.

Do Spells Work?


I have a question about spells, 1 do they work,  and do you think this one will work (one I came up with)

As I sit here in this hour,
And I raise up all my power,
I ask the God and goddess to send,
Money to me on the wind,
I charm this necklace on this night,
And wear it when money is tight,
Now I say this to you from me,
Now I say it so mote it be.

Yes. No. Maybe so.

Spellwork is very unpredictable. Can it work? … sure. Does it always work, every single time? … nope. Is there any way to guarantee that it will work in any particular instance? … again, nope.

At its most basic, magic is simply manifesting a desired goal or change through force of will. This is something that most people do, without realizing it, on a daily basis. We formulate a goal and we make it happen. In terms of spellwork, it’s simply a matter of doing it in a slightly different way.

Like anything else in life, there are many variables that impact whether or not a spell manifests the way that we want it to. A few points to consider:

  • First and foremost, magic cannot defy the laws of nature/physics. So things like sprouting wings, or transforming into some other being, are not something that are possible through spells.
  • Focus and clarity when working the spell – left unguided, magic will work in its own way and in its own time. So a vague, “money to me on the wind” could mean that you find a lost $5 bill in your pocket, rather than an actual sum of money that helps your financial situation improve. So be clear and concise when forming the intent of the spell, especially if you need specific help with something.
  •  Magic is not like what we see on TV or in the movies – there is no snap your fingers and POOF. Manifesting a spell takes work, and in general, doing something mundanely is infinitely easier than doing it magically. So if you are expecting to recite a few words and suddenly have money rain down on your head – while it’s not completely impossible, it would be very unlikely unless you first play the lotto, or (even better) take some other concrete steps towards improving your financial situation, such as applying for loan/grant, looking for a job, or some other sort of fundraising.

As a charm, your words are fine, especially if you are just looking to attract money in general. The key is raising the energy necessary to fuel the spell, charging the necklace with that energy, and then recharging it as necessary. However, if you have a specific need or need a particular amount of money before a certain deadline, then you need to be clear about that to avoid any potential misunderstandings. Additionally, the Gods aren’t ATM machines, so often if we want something from them, we have to give something first. Along that same line – if you don’t already work with a particular God or Goddess, you may want to look into at least introducing yourself (and/or forming a working relationship with them) first, before asking them for favors.

So it definitely has the potential to work, but as mentioned previously, nothing is ever guaranteed. But the way I see it, can’t ever hurt to try. 😉

Previous posts on spells and magic that might be helpful…

ON THE NATURE OF MAGIC & CHANGE: FIXING A BROKEN SPELL

MAGIC: ENERGY AND CURSING/HEXING

 

Wiccan Rede: An It Harm None


I am dating a man who is Wiccan…we are having a very serious disagreement about a spider!  I respect his Wiccan views and beliefs…but I cannot understand his logic regarding this topic.  I am terrified of spiders…it is irrational and logically I know its silly.  However, I cannot control that fear and it truly causes me serious distress.  He has a very large spider living above his front door.  Initially he wanted to bring it inside, but has agreed not to now.  I asked him to relocate the spider because he does not believe in killing them.  His response was no…it would cause the spider harm…and he believes in the first do no harm principle.  Its his belief relocating the spider will directly cause it harm.  Isn’t leaving the spider there causing me harm?  It causes me to have heart palpitations, extreme anxiety, and I cry!  Again, I know my fear is unsubstantiated, but it is real!  I feel he is completely disregarding my feelings and well being by not relocating it…but all he says is do no harm is in his blood and who he is!  Any advice?

I’ll start with straight and to the point. If your boyfriend cares more about potential harm to a spider, than he does about the woman he supposedly loves, then you need to RUN (not walk) to the nearest exit. Dump him.

Regardless of the actual meaning of the Rede itself (which I’ll get to in a moment), there are plenty of ways to humanely move a spider. There is absolutely zero reason for him to put that spider’s well-being above your own – A) because it can be moved without harming it and B) because even if it would cause harm… your life (and physical/mental health) should be a priority to him. If it’s not, then there is something seriously wrong. If he is not willing to put you first in these sorts of situations, he’s not worth your time or energy.

As to “do no harm” – at no point (ever), does the Wiccan Rede prohibit one from causing harm, and in fact, it is literally impossible to go through life without causing harm to someone or something. The Rede, which in full states ‘An it harm none, do what ye will, simply tells us that if it doesn’t cause harm, we can do whatever we want. But nowhere in that statement does it say if it causes harm, don’t do it. The point of it all, is for one to carefully consider their actions before taking them, and to be willing to accept the potential consequences of such actions – for good or bad. In the end however, if one feels that a harmful action is justified, and is willing to accept the consequences, then there is nothing preventing them from taking the action. For more information on the history and meaning of the Wiccan Rede, I suggest reading The Wiccan Rede: A Historical Journey.

It’s unfortunate that there are books and websites which offer misinformation regarding the Rede, which in turn cause people to end up believing that it is a literal prohibition against causing harm. But again as I mentioned to start, if your boyfriend is unwilling (or unable) to see that the harm he is causing to you is more detrimental than the harm moving the spider would cause, then he’s really not someone that you need in your life. It may sound harsh, but this is just a spider (and very easily remedied in a way that could make you both happy, which he is refusing to even consider)… what happens when it’s something more important?